❤ Friday, October 31, 2008 ❤
It's been a long day in school.
How do I now put my feelings into words?
I do not know how to control my temper, everything. When I'm burning with anger, whatever that comes, just beautifully bounced off the wall I built up in front of me. I don't consider the consequences after that, I don't think if that's what I really want. I just built walls ard me, and live in my own world.
Fuck, I'm always like that. I fucking hate myself for my contradictions today. I wake up in the morning, to find myself thinking.... ........
sticker.
GOd damnit. I don't like the feel of it.
I've been telling myself throughout the whole day that,
"It's just the after-effects of it. I promised I'll be up and jumping by the next few days."It is just like that. Just like that, right?
I won't allow anything to hit me, and that includes the 'shadow'
(in chinese) . For preventions, this was the step I took. I'm too coward to face what I need to face. I hate myself. I hate myself.
I feel like shit today. I just feel like shit in when I wake up to find that the sticker is no longer sticking. I feel like shit today when I'm omw to sch. I feel like shit today when I'm in class. I feel like shit today when I'm doing my proj. I feel like shit when I'm alone on the bus thinking.
Fuck.
*
I do not know what is gg on btwn you both now. You refused to tell me, I won't ask more. I just wanna let you know, I'm always here for you.
Please show me, that I'm still feeling the same way to you. I'm afraid, I've started to waver.
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❤ ❤
To an asshole.
Happy Birthday, Eddie Chen!!!
Happy Birthday, Eddie Chen!!!
Happy Birthday, Eddie Chen!!!
Happy Birthday, Eddie Chen!!!
Happy Birthday, Eddie Chen!!!
Happy Birthday, Eddie Chen!!!
Happy birthday to you~
You're born in the zoo~~
with monkeys and donkeys,
and you look like ONE too!!


Though there were plenty of times that
-you'd wrestle me to the ground in camps in front of SO MANY PEOPLE.
-you'd chant to me your stupid nonsense da dao li.
-you'd think of many ways to annoy and irritate me.
-you'd bite me.
-you'd make me pissed off with your damn idiotic attitude.
-and your very da nan ren thinkings.
-and how you'd suan me like you've never suan pp before.
and a whole lot more.
But,
-you were there whenever I needed a listening ear,
-you were there whenever I felt like crying,
-you'd give me lots of advice
(though i dunnoe if your advice is workable or not)-allowed me to suan u like no one's business too,
-bring me out at night to slack,
-to provide me with lots of entertainments,
-to provide me with lots of shits as well.
-to tolerate my stupidness and nonstop questions,
-to be patient enough to explain things over and over again,
and again, a whole lot more.
Sometimes, you're really a bastard.
(tmd !@$Q!#%) Buden, overall, everything about you just rounds up to a GREAT friend in my life!
Hahas!! Chen Wen Wei, touched anot??!!! My entire entry is for you lehs!! Hurry tag me and say you're gan dong!!! Lols!
Last but not least,
Happy 25th birthday.
Your love will come one day :))
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❤ Wednesday, October 29, 2008 ❤
It's just another day.
Me: "Thank you!!!!"
Mdm Siti Rohana: "You owe me a coffee!!"
Hahas, ever since I knew this lecturer in Year 2.1, I enjoyed her lessons. And this time round, she took me and Joan into ICLPD after our appeal. Damn happy!!! LOL. I hope I won't let you down!! =D
Anw, I realized men can be as childish as an 8 yr old when they encounters things that bring down their pride and ego, and yet they do not know how to solve. And when they think up of their so-called wonderful perfect flawless plan to bring someone down, they do it at all means. They do not know that they're just over run by their emotions, and their "wonderful perfect flawless plan" is uberly childish and dimwitted and are looked upon as a laughing stock.
Behave like a men. Don't make me despise you for who you are. End for this topic.
And for you, I do not want or allow any thing to cause us to quarrel. I'm no more that girl who quarrels with you whenever things cropped up. So whatever the case, if we're reaching a point of volcano eruption, I'm gonna stop the conversation with you right there. When you've cooled down, we'll talk again. But if the issue is gonna cause an arguement, den it can stop there right at that point. End for this topic.
And dear girl, nothing's gonna bring you down, let alone this kind of thing. Brush it off your shoulders! Lols. I know needless for me to say, you alr have done it. LOL.
Now, Eunice is a tired girl. Plopping onto the bed and zzzzzzzing is all just what I want to do. Good Nights.
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❤ Sunday, October 26, 2008 ❤
i see colours.
oh fucking god. I'm ..... i wan to ........... it ..... so fucking much.
why did you come online.... why did you asked me to call you... why..... did you say so much.... why did you............................... tell me all these.
you wont utd. you dun utd. things have changed. it's not gonna be like the past anymore. i've changed. you've changed. some childish acts are no more the same. i wanted to tell you, it's not like that already. at least, i feel it's not gonna be like that already. why did i force you to say wad you didn't want to say.... everything felt squeezed up. it feels fcked to keep quiet even though im sobbing into my bolster. it feels fucked to swallow everything and sound like i'm okays. it feels shit. everything feels.......... in fact im not okays. i noe you were feeling ..... i dunnoe what to say already.... i.. i .... why did you say all these to me. it felt alot better to noe nothing at all. it felt better if i thought i was the only one thinking about all these matters. it felt better..... why did you think... why did you tell me all these... oh my fcking god.................. things changed already. you've changed... i noe you have. so have i... but it's all for the better.... face it. it's not like the past. FUCK. it's not. i'm alot better before tonight. it feels better to be in my own emo fcked state den to noe you were like that. did you cried or were you on de verge of crying too. i dunnoe. i jus noe... fck. if i said more, i noe i can convince more. but i didnt. i asked u to shut up and hang up. cos i dun wan to explain. u cant utd, u wont believe. ............................................................ i want to tell you.. it's no more like that. and i wan to tell u, you're really a wonderful wonderful wonderful guy. fuck. i love you.
no matter how much it hurts to be hanging on after so long, how much i have cried over you, how much ever misery i have swallowed, it's so worth it, cos that person is you.
rainbow after rain.
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❤ ❤
It is all not right.
A day out with the people. Not mentioning names, you all know who you all are. That's all for the details for today.
After a chat, I feel..Maybe I still loved you.
Maybe I have never stop loving you.but,Maybe I dun love you already. Maybe I just haven met someone who can surpass you.I don't know.Someone told me, that you'll forever be the benchmark for all the future men in my life.Half of me wants to know that I, myself still loves you.Half of me hoped that I don't love you already.Again, I don't know what I am doing now.I shouldn't depend on anyone.But myself.After analysing, now I utd why all the guys ard me now are all in that age grp.You. You were the only different one.But you left already.Why did I did that stupid mistake to let you go then?I could have been walking down the road I wished for so much now.I am a very simple girl,what I want, and what I need are all very simple.LEO WOMAN
She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks shewalk like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there is no one around her.
She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident
of what she choose to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozen for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange cloths and accessories.
Being different is what she loves.
If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much.
She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is borne to be a
leader.She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman , and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough
competition.
She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her
confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She is keeping her sweet memory does not mean she still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic.
She will have many guys run after her, so if you have advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills.
She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to
spend big bugs, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she give you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke make her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. It's unique quality and times spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.
Before tonight, I inisited that all these were untrue. I refuse to believe that majority of what it was saying is true. I rmb when I sent you this email that night, you told me for LEO WOMEN, you felt that it doesn't seems to be describing me. Cos you felt that it was saying that I was materialistic. Read carefully and try to utd it. You will get it. If you don't, it's okays. Cos that's the way, when you're blur and scratches your head, makes a plus point for you.I like clever men. I like men who can take cares of me. I like men who is above me. I like to be a xiao nv ren. I rmbed how your words brought me to the skies.I rmbed how y0ur jus one simple smile, made my day.I rmbed how I waited for your sms,I rmbed how I waited for you after your work,I rmbed that I skipped sch, went to ur place in the early mrning and snuggle into ur bed with you.I rmbed that breakfast you tried to made for me, but failed. All that was left was 2 sausages.I rmbed how i waited for you at the roadside, looking at you walking over to go to sch tgt.I rmbed how we wld walked ard the sch compounds before 7.2o am.I rmbed the letters we wrote tgt.I rmbed the stupid faces we took pictures of.I rmbed how we wld hold a particular hand cos the other hand was wearing our rings.I rmbed how we hugged each other and cried.I rmbed how we quarreled.I rmbed how we fight.I rmbed how we hurt each other.I rmbed how the r/s started.I rmbed how the r/s ended.I rmbed how you and your brother wld fight and quarrel.I rmbed him and his gf.I rmbed our jealousy.I rmbed our possesiveness.I rmbed the matching bracelets.I rmbed 28o4o5.I rmbed 1o:o5 pm.I rmbed we first talked on msn.I rmbed the cause was michelle.I rmbed the first time we talked on msn was on the 20o4o5I rmbed we got together on the 8th day.I rmbed before I noe you, I dislike you.I rmbed our matching cups.I rmbed the movies we caught tgt.I rmbed we wanted to go to zoo each time, but nvr managed to do so.I rmbed the monkey keychain.I rmbed the tears.I rmbed your mom's shop.I rmbed how you made the sandwiches for me.I rmbed we played CS tgt against the customers in your shop.I remembered every single thing btwn you and me.I missed you.Can I just pretend that nothing happened in dis 2 years.Just for a minute, can we be back to what we were?I tried to move on.I tried to walk forward.Realised in all the guys now,I just wanna depend on someone.Im tired of looking back.Can I just closed my eyes and walk forward?I'm tired of feeling it's not right. I'm tired of feeling I know it's not right, yet I'm doing it.But nevertheless,
I'm hoping and wishing,
for your return.
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❤ Saturday, October 25, 2008 ❤
进退的挣扎

It's me and Royston !!

Look at these 3 immature guys, snatching over a paper wooden rod =.=''' nono, actually only 2. cos the one in the middle which is sam, is very the innocent. Just coincidently he was sitting in btwn dem, den de war started, and he was squashed in btwn.
It was supposed to be MIE orientation, buden, de main coms started pranking ard when the event was gg on then. hahas. Love the atomics. hahas!
Another visit to Sim Lim, watch fairytales movies from my laptop. Ton over at the Goh's again. I think I need to stay at home more. My bed is alot more comfy. And I have my own room............ LOL.
maybe it's just my imagination.
when i was just contradicting myself these few days,
u made me cfrm all my doubts.
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❤ Thursday, October 23, 2008 ❤
=] HAPPINESS


EXTREME HAPPINESS!!!! WAHAHAHAHAS. I'VE GOT RID OF THE SUPER DUPER IRRITATING TOH CB!!! =D wahahahas!!
Joan and I have appealed successfully into IC Layout and Physical Design!!!!
EXTREME JOY, EXTREME EXTREME SMILES!!!! wahahahahas.
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❤ ❤
pictures and updates TMR!
It had been a great day today.
and
Before I hit the sacks, I wanna say, he talked to me again today!! Less than an hr ago!!! =D god. hahahas. And I think I just dug myself a hole to drop into.
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❤ Sunday, October 19, 2008 ❤
Happiest Happy GOD DAMN happy!!
In the midst of a msn conversation with you now. Omg!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAS.
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❤ Saturday, October 18, 2008 ❤
Programmers


Programmers for Oct Orientation. Not everyone's face is in here. These are the few I got. :)) Fun with them. :))
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❤ Friday, October 17, 2008 ❤
cos you participated in my life den.


Missing the times back in Punggol Secondary school,
and
Enjoying what I'm having in Temasek Poly now.
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❤ Monday, October 13, 2008 ❤
That's the way I feel
S Club 7-Have you ever.Sometimes, it's wrong to walk away
though you think it's over
Knowing, there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
You just want to change the way the world goes round
Tell me,
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see,
That's the way I feel,
about you and me baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know...
cause I loved and lost the day I let you go
Can't help, but think that this is wrong,
we should be together
Back in, your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised
It was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round
Tell me,
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see
That's the way I feel,
about you and me baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking
I should know...
cause I loved and lost the day I let you go
I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moments gone I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round
Tell me,
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see (ooooooo)
That's the way I feel, about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Looking down the road you should be taking i should know
(I should know...)
cause I loved and lost the day I let,
yes i loved and lost the day i let,
yes i loved and lost the day i let you go.........
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❤ Sunday, October 12, 2008 ❤
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking?
Happy 18th Birthday Elaine!!! =D May all your wishes come true!!!
Yesterday, was Elaine's birthday celebration. All of us except her planned to meet hours earlier. Everybody late lor!!!!! When I thought I was the latest, it turned out that i was the 2nd earliest! Poor Joker Loh was so punctual, and have to wait for us lahs. hahahahas.
Dinner was at Fish & Co after Elaine arrived. Walked down to Boat Quay from Douby Ghaut. Damn far. Why did I agree to walk down?!! We settled down at The White Bar, opened a bottle of alchohol, and played games!
And yea, Eunice was such a spoiler. *kick myself for that =.=
Ben came and sent me home after that.
It's whenever I get tipsy, all I had in mind,
was you.
It's like when emotions reached it's highest peak.
Why was everyone there,
but not you?
It's been a few times already.
Why were u always not there?
I feel so stupid at times,
to be in this state over you.
It's like whenever I felt I've walked out,
I realized I haven't.
fuck.
I hate this so much.
Ought to stop. But how do I control?
How do I control my feelings for you?
I do not want to let this continue.
It feels effing' miserable and suffocating.
When I was letting the alcohol run down my throat,
as it hits upon my body,
attacked me.
I felt more and more relaxed.
I can no longer control.
Images of you, your name, everything about you, flooded my mind.
I need to let go of my emotions.
...... i bloody hell .... you.
Why were you not there with me?
Why were you not there?
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❤ Saturday, October 11, 2008 ❤
Reporting
Monday
-That conversation with you.
-Stayover at Goh's family
Tuesday
-Marine parade's Crystal Jade. Duck porridge. LOVELY
-Bugis Venezia's durian ice cream
-Our very own refresher of the refresher night.
Wednesday
-Camp
-A white lie.
-Rich programmers lunch and dinner
Thursday
-Camp
Friday
-Break camp
-Zzzz
-Movie: Connected with the Goh's
-11th October 2008
-HongKong cafe
It was that few sentences of yours,
that cleared up all my doubts, ceased all my curiosity and answered all my questions.
When? When will that day come?
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❤ Monday, October 6, 2008 ❤
Damn.
Before I leave my house for the next few days, I just wanna voice out my thinkings about YOU. Yes, YOU. You know who YOU are. The news have been on YOU these few days. Everyone knows just how you are now. But many of them are just too nice. TOO NICE. They are afraid of women's tears. And once they see it, their kind hearts soften. I was once like them, till that huge incident between the 3 of us cleared up my views on you. I was so wrong. After that incident, I hate your guts. For not admitting that you were wrong and not even apologising. For running away at the last minute, abandoning us like that. Damn you. I thought we WERE friends. But I was wrong. That was how you treated you friends. How you look upon us as your friends. From then on, all I want is to see, is your downfall one day. But I will wait, I won't do anything, I will for you to cause your own downfall again. No one believed that you were like that, cause in front of everyone except me and joan, you were a bubbly and joyious girl. You were so friendly, and had closer ties to the club members. You gained their sympathy with tears, and putting on a pitiful font. And YOU won like that. One day, perhaps Joan and I were in good moods, we were chatting, and den the topic came to you. Saying that you were grouped with Royston and Sam for MP. We thought, perhaps it was us that wasn't good enough for you, the two guys have high GPAs, and were respected well. So perhaps you will change. You will work hard with them. As the Yr 3.1 past day by day, more complaints about you arised. But none from your group members. Do you know how damn lucky you were to be grouped with them? They accepted your nonsense excuses, they accepted your absence in the proj, they accepted you not doing anything in the proj. Do you know why? Cause they look upon you as A FRIEND. I heard news from here and there, I laughed and said, "A leopard nvr changes it's spots. You disappointed us once again."And now, people have reached their limits of tolerance. Yet again, you still used what you were best in. Tears. The friends we have are great nice people. Bloody hell, You had better cherish what you have. It's disgusting to see how people are being dragged down the drain by your lack of responsibility.Stop using your tears. Action speaks louder than TEARS.I kept quiet in the meeting today. I wanted to see how you'd response towards the unhappiness that you have caused in everyone. But no. You were damn Smart. You just SHUT UP! When asked if you had anything thing to say, you said NO! In our club, you hadn't done your role as our Treasurer. What do you even know bout the accounts? If not for GY, I think, Our accounts wld be in the shits by now. You were once so enthusiatic over your role. Saying you won't repeat what the ex main coms had did. Do you even remember it now? All you had was just 3 mins hotness, and poof* . You left everything hanging on the ends like that.Tears, A women's most lethal weapon. Damn, and I fcking envy you for being able to use that weapon to the maximum at times. But I won't learn from you. Cause I despise how you use that weapon in your life to get the things you want.Wake up from your puddle of tears. BE RESPONSIBLE. I'm a poison snake. Cause I'm laughing over what you are today, adding fuel to the fire. I'm not afraid to admit I'm laughing over your misfortune today, cos I know, you deserve every single look from everybody today. What others are seeing, is only your mask. Tear off your mask and face people honestly.
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❤ Sunday, October 5, 2008 ❤
4th October 2oo8
ANNOUNCEMENT: Royston's blog Part 2 Now On!!! >>>>> http://a-royston-life.blogspot.com/Accompanied Shumei to get her things at SimLim tgt with Gina and Eileen.
Caught House Bunny with Ben, Joevin and Ee shuen ytd.
Dinner at Aston's. Not bad not bad. Only that the Cust service is shit.

It's been long.
So long.
Everynight, I'm dreaming and hoping.
Does wishes come true?
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❤ Saturday, October 4, 2008 ❤
3rd October 2008
Ytd went down to school to brush up more on my proj.
Thanks to Ho Chor Seng, I think my circuit will be working and done by this coming MONDAY! I hope lahs. hahahas. =D yays. Had a small atomiacs outing opposite school. Damn lame. You know what they were shopping for? Oils. All sorts of different oils. =.=''' hahahas. Bought lotsa titbits back to stock up Atomic too!! weets weets!! monday can EAT!! lol!
Met up with Gina and the long time no see LEE ZHU BU at town. Lols. She was gg to get haivanas, and needed Gina's Singapore Poly card to get a discount!
But surprisingly, Temasek Poly students also have the 2o% discount at NUM too! Just flash your student card and the 2o% discount goes to you!! wONDErful!!!I think Joan and Chee sai will be very happy right, since you guys are planning to get your flip flops there!
Small bites at Carl's Jr, and Wasibi shaker fries at Mac with Ben and Ee shuen. The Goh Family!! hahahas. We're all Goh's!! LOL.
Had a great night shopping and dining with the ladies, and a great night supper-ing with the Goh's!
你不是我,你这么能体会你多么珍贵。
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❤ ❤
PROGRAMMERS after work!! PICTURES ONLY!

SEE!!! I GOT LONG PRETTY NAILS!!! NATURAL OKAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! LOL!! hao lian hao lian!! winks*
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❤ Thursday, October 2, 2008 ❤
I'm waiting.
Love Declaration Announcement!!!!

hahahahas. OKays. Programmers this time round are all very sam pat! LOL! Poking their noses into the sweet bird's love life. Hahahahas.
Eekian brought his camera, and due to his misfortune, it landed on our hands. And snap snap snap!! LOL. We 烂拍! hahahas. I'm still waiting for the pictures from kian!!! LOL. This is the only picture I have in my phone. Joanna, aren't you so fortunate????? LOL.

Shopping with Gina in the evening.
Dinner @ Fish & Co.
Now I'm so bored.
But I'm even more bored with boredom. Damn it.
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❤ Wednesday, October 1, 2008 ❤
All for You, SHARIFAH FIRRAUDHA.
WOW! Just read Royston's blog @
http://a-royston-life.blogspot.com/.
After reading what you wrote in there, all I have to say is, you spelt out all of our heartfelt feelings. I give the utmost respect to you, ROYSTON, Secretary of Atomic.
From the start Joan and I have been telling you those things, none of you wanted to believe us. As time pass, a few people in Atomic finally saw her true colours. But Royston and Sam insisted on giving her unlimited chances.
Sharifah, do you even know how fortunate you were to be grouped with Royston and Sam, who gave you their highest level of endurance and forgiveness. But you didn't appreciate it all.
I can predict, after you've seen what is in royston's blog, you will go crying or sadly to your friends and bring out the best thing you have in you, which is GAINING SYMPATHY.
Go on.
If one day you finally utd what all of us meant, you will grow up. Be a better groupmate and friend to your future groups. Have some responsibility. It is your lack of responsibility that brought you down today.
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❤ ❤
Model of the year
Model of the Year 2oo8 goes to....... Ms. Chiam Siok Mien Gina!!!!!!!!!!!

Okays, here comes the 1st runner up, Eunice Goh!! =.='''




Dinner @ Hip Diners USA. Simply lovely :)) Never failed me before, but this applies to me only.. I think. Kian thinks otherwise. LOL.
Plans with that PS was burned up cause of the damn rain.
A trip to Hk cafe with ben and ee xuan in the wee hours.
Now.. I'm tired and sleepy. Good nights.
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